Interesting thoughts for January

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THIS page is for some interesting thoughts for January…..

Week of 01/24:
Let’s talk about F*&&% Buddies (FB’s)

How can anyone over 40 think this type of situationship is, OK?
How is it OK to disrespect anyone and not show them value?
Is your life so good that you do not need to invest your emotions in a relationship?
How is a FB valuable to anyone?

It seems in “this day and age” FB are all your going to get.  If you do not want the “FB” type of situationship as you know your value and what you “bring to the table”, you’ll be alone.

What happen to the desire to be in a relationship, to grow with, support and respect someone.  When did everything turn emotionless?

I have been widowed a few years, so just in the last year or so raised my head to even consider letting someone in, and DAMN, I see it may be better to remain alone. (ONE and ONLY time you will see my pic, just for this discussion)

I want nothing to do with an FB but that is what is there or maybe it is just the NW Chill as one of my friends words it.

Here is the “Urban Definition of a F^%$ Buddy, from the 20/somethings:

1. friend or acquaintance with whom a person regularly has sex without the expectation of a romantic relationship.
2. friendship or a mutual fondness two persons engage in sexual gratification with one another. The aim of fuck-buddies is to receive all the benefits of being in a relationship with another person but not having to deal with any of the downsides of a relationship e.g. commitment, listening to their feelings, caring.
However fuck-buddies can often complicate matters as over time one of the partnership may become overly fond of the other and begin to develop feelings. This is in direct violation of fuck-buddy law.

That is just it, FB’s may be suitable for 20/somethings but how can it possibly be OK for anyone over 40?

Remember we discussed Priorities and Choices early in the month?
It is funny how people do not realize that the subconscious is your priorities, what is important to you and your life.  It is reflected in your choices.  When your choices are not what you thought they should be, as it seems things are slipping away from you that you want, perhaps you should relook at your priorities.

When you treat another as a FB, it may last short term but it will definitely not last long term.  What is it you are wanting that you would think that a FB is fulfilling?  Is it the need for no emotional involvement, just an act of sex you are seeking?  We as humans are far evolved from animals and have developed a need to be connected emotionally.  When we stunt that it affects us.  It may not be that day or the next day but it will.

The actual act of sex is to bring to people closer together emotionally, to blend, to meld.  To give the heart unconditionally to another.  To take that aspect away you are just a robot, you bring NOTHING of value to the table.  Someone who does and can bring value to the table WILL WALK.

Is that the desired end result?
A constant barrage of people in and out of your life?
Noting solid and real?
Nothing that connects to you emotionally
No value brought into your life, just users?
No comfort, no warmth?
Well, happiness to you if you can hang with that at an old age. I cannot. Perhaps I am just to old fashioned for this day and age.
The thing is, strong women are OK alone, we do not need your games nor lack of emotion. Men forget there are toys that can replace your “sex” and your “sex” will not last as long as a toy, so good luck with your emotionless FB stuff……

** as a side note: Empaths CANNOT be FBs, they deal with people and BS all day everyday so to put them in a situation of void, not good.

 

Week of 01/19:
Good and bad in a relationship; Would you call it Procrastination or putting off what we know will happen subconsciously?  Ending one relationship, should be clean and done.  Not dragged on and on as you still want something out of it, yet do not want that person. You cannot move into a healthy relationship in this mode, as a healthy relationship will not tolerate this indecisiveness.  There is no such thing as having your cake and eating it too.  That does not exist.  If you have tried to move onto something healthier and better yet still have background BS, that new person will walk away when THEY have waited long enough or have had enough, guaranteed. 

YOU

WILL

MISS

OUT

 

People put off the inevitable because they do not want the negative reaction that will happen. You can put it off, but it will still happen, as it was supposed to happen.  Why drag it out?  Why put off what will happen anyway?  Why drag the negativity out?
By staying in a place not healthy for you, you miss out on what is healthy as that will move on without you.  Like it or not.  You think you can control the outcome, but you cannot.

Healthy is not putting up with waiting or BS.

Healthy is not a F*&*&K Buddy

Healthy is not less than

Healthy is not the low hanging fruit

Healthy is not the “secret person”

 

Healthy is upfront and honest.

Healthy is unconditional

Healthy is Involved

Healthy is respecting that person (remember our thoughts on actions)

Healthy is support, commitment and growth

Healthy is reflecting that person’s value by actions

 

Healthy Signs in a relationship:

Open communication:  Partners in healthy relationships typically talk about the things going on in their lives: successes, failures, and everything in between.

You should be comfortable talking about any issues that come up, from things that happen in everyday life, such work or friend stress, to more serious issues, such as mental health symptoms or financial concerns.

Even if they have a different opinion, they listen without judgment and then share their perspective.

Trust:  Trust involves honesty and integrity. You don’t keep secrets from each other. When you’re apart, you don’t worry about them pursuing other people.

But trust goes beyond believing they won’t cheat or lie to you.

It also means you feel safe and comfortable with them and know they won’t hurt you physically or emotionally. You know they have your best interests in mind but also respect you enough to encourage you to make your own choices.

A sense of yourself as a separate person:  Healthy relationships are best described as interdependent. Interdependence means you rely on each other for mutual support but still maintain your identity as a unique individual.

In other words, your relationship is balanced. You know you have their approval and love, but your self-esteem doesn’t depend on them. Although you’re there for each other, you don’t depend on each other to get all of your needs met.

You still have friends and connections outside the relationship and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies.

Curiosity:  One key characteristic of healthy, long-term love is curiosity.

This means you’re interested in their thoughts, goals, and daily life. You want to watch them grow into their best self. You’re not fixated on who they used to be or who you think they should be.

Curiosity also means you’re willing to consider or talk over changes to your relationship structure if aspects of your existing relationship become less fulfilling. It also involves realism. You see them for who they truly are and care about that person, not an idealized version of them.

Time apart:  Most people in healthy relationships prioritize spending time together, though the amount of time you spend together can vary based on personal needs, work and other commitments, living arrangements, and so on.

But you also recognize the need for personal space and time on your own even if living together. Maybe you spend this time relaxing solo, pursuing a hobby, or seeing friends or family.

Whatever you do, you don’t need to spend every moment together or believe your relationship suffers when you spend some time apart.

Playfulness or lightheartedness:  It’s important to make time for fun and spontaneity when the mood is right. If you can joke and laugh together, that’s a good sign.

Sometimes life challenges or distress might affect one or both of you. This can temporarily change the tone of your relationship and make it hard to relate to each other in your usual ways.

But being able to share lighter moments that help relieve tension, even briefly, strengthens your relationship even in tough times.

Physical intimacy:  Intimacy often refers to sex, but not always. Not everyone wants sex all the time. Your relationship can still be healthy without it — as long as you’re both on the same page about getting your needs met.

If neither of you have interest in sex, physical intimacy might involve kissing, hugging, cuddling, and sleeping together. Whatever type of intimacy you share, physically connecting and bonding is important.

If you both enjoy sex, your physical relationship is most likely healthy when you:

  • feel comfortable initiating and talking about sex
  • can positively handle rejection
  • can discuss desires
  • feel safe expressing your interest in more or less sex

Healthy intimacy also involves respecting sexual boundaries. This includes:

  • not pressuring partners about sex or specific sex acts when they say no
  • sharing information about other partners
  • discussing sexual risk factors

Teamwork:   A strong relationship can be considered a team. You work together and support each other, even when you don’t see eye to eye on something or have goals that aren’t exactly the same.

In short, you have each other’s back. You know you can turn to them when you’re struggling. And you’re always ready to offer support when they need you.

Conflict resolution:  Even in a healthy relationship, you’ll have occasional disagreements and feel frustrated or angry with each other from time to time. That’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy.

What matters is how you address conflict. If you can talk about your differences politely, honestly, and with respect, you’re on the right track.

 

Week of 01/10:
New beginnings, security and stability, anything from finances to sexual matters, even if you are thinking about love.

When someone feels very grounded with you and sees you in it for the long haul, they are in it for the long haul too, and not only would this be a caring relationship, but also a mentally and  sexually satisfying one, one that will last for a long time.

In that, Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but many people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible spouse/partner/other half .

For these individuals, romantic relationships comprise one of the most meaningful aspects of life and are a source of deep fulfillment.  What is so wrong about that?

The ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned.  The end of a relationship, however, is often a source of great psychological anguish.  The Ancient Greeks had eight words that corresponded to different types of love:

  • Eros (romantic, passionate love)
  • Philia (affectionate love)
  • Agape (selfless, universal love)
  • Storge (familiar love)
  • Mania (obsessive love)
  • Ludus (playful love)
  • Pragma (enduring love)
  • Philautia (self love)

For this week let’s think on Eros (romantic; passionate love)

Philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle recognized that love can come in many forms, from platonic appreciation to romantic lust.  Eros speaks to sexual passion and intimate love. Though Eros can be felt initially (what modern people might refer to as “lust”), Plato argued that with contemplation and allowance of it into your heart, Eros becomes a deeper and more meaningful form of love: an appreciation of external and internal beauty.

Healthy Signs in a relationship:

Open communication

Partners in healthy relationships typically talk about the things going on in their lives: successes, failures, and everything in between.

You should be comfortable talking about any issues that come up, from things that happen in everyday life, such work or friend stress, to more serious issues, such as mental health symptoms or financial concerns.

Even if they have a different opinion, they listen without judgment and then share their perspective.

Trust

Trust involves honesty and integrity. You don’t keep secrets from each other. When you’re apart, you don’t worry about them pursuing other people.

But trust goes beyond believing they won’t cheat or lie to you.

It also means you feel safe and comfortable with them and know they won’t hurt you physically or emotionally. You know they have your best interests in mind but also respect you enough to encourage you to make your own choices.

A sense of yourself as a separate person

Healthy relationships are best described as interdependent. Interdependence means you rely on each other for mutual support but still maintain your identity as a unique individual.

In other words, your relationship is balanced. You know you have their approval and love, but your self-esteem doesn’t depend on them. Although you’re there for each other, you don’t depend on each other to get all of your needs met.

You still have friends and connections outside the relationship and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies.

Curiosity

One key characteristic of healthy, long-term love is curiosity.

This means you’re interested in their thoughts, goals, and daily life. You want to watch them grow into their best self. You’re not fixated on who they used to be or who you think they should be.

Curiosity also means you’re willing to consider or talk over changes to your relationship structure if aspects of your existing relationship become less fulfilling. It also involves realism. You see them for who they truly are and care about that person, not an idealized version of them.

Time apart

Most people in healthy relationships prioritize spending time together, though the amount of time you spend together can vary based on personal needs, work and other commitments, living arrangements, and so on.

But you also recognize the need for personal space and time on your own even if living together. Maybe you spend this time relaxing solo, pursuing a hobby, or seeing friends or family.

Whatever you do, you don’t need to spend every moment together or believe your relationship suffers when you spend some time apart.

Playfulness or lightheartedness

It’s important to make time for fun and spontaneity when the mood is right. If you can joke and laugh together, that’s a good sign.

Sometimes life challenges or distress might affect one or both of you. This can temporarily change the tone of your relationship and make it hard to relate to each other in your usual ways.

But being able to share lighter moments that help relieve tension, even briefly, strengthens your relationship even in tough times.

Physical intimacy

Intimacy often refers to sex, but not always. Not everyone wants sex all the time. Your relationship can still be healthy without it — as long as you’re both on the same page about getting your needs met.

If neither of you have interest in sex, physical intimacy might involve kissing, hugging, cuddling, and sleeping together. Whatever type of intimacy you share, physically connecting and bonding is important.

If you both enjoy sex, your physical relationship is most likely healthy when you:

  • feel comfortable initiating and talking about sex
  • can positively handle rejection
  • can discuss desires
  • feel safe expressing your interest in more or less sex

Healthy intimacy also involves respecting sexual boundaries. This includes:

  • not pressuring partners about sex or specific sex acts when they say no
  • sharing information about other partners
  • discussing sexual risk factors

Teamwork

A strong relationship can be considered a team. You work together and support each other, even when you don’t see eye to eye on something or have goals that aren’t exactly the same.

In short, you have each other’s back. You know you can turn to them when you’re struggling. And you’re always ready to offer support when they need you.

Conflict resolution

Even in a healthy relationship, you’ll have occasional disagreements and feel frustrated or angry with each other from time to time. That’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy.

What matters is how you address conflict. If you can talk about your differences politely, honestly, and with respect, you’re on the right track.

Neglect in Love:

An emotionally neglectful ones is not healthy and should be avoided.  If I had to describe an emotionally neglectful relationship in one word, it would probably be, “lonely.”

It’s as if you have someone right beside you, yet they are a thousand miles away emotionally. You can see them but you can’t feel their presence. You can talk to them but you can’t talk the way you want to talk. You are with them, but you feel alone.

It’s almost as if there is a wall between you blocking you from them, and them from you. A wall you can see through, but you can’t get through. That wall is made up of emotional neglect.

Could be from childhood issues, where it strides through the back door, silently and stealthily undermining the communication, the connection, the compassion, and the warmth in your relationship.

When one or both partners comes from a family that’s not aware of feelings and under-attends to them (childhood emotional neglect), growing up with emotional neglect, makes you blind to your own emotions, the essential ingredient that is absolutely necessary to connect in a real way with your spouse/partner/other half.

Neither of you may realize what should be happening and what you should be feeling. With no one able to call out the problem, you are in danger of slowly, painfully drifting apart until the growing wall of emotional neglect distorts your vision of each other, and the positive, healthy feelings that brought you together slowly drain away.

No one says it’s an easy “fix.” But the problem of emotional neglect in a relationship can be resolved. Signs That Emotional Neglect is Silently Undermining Your Relationship:

  1. You and your partner misread each other’s true feelings, actions, thoughts, or intentions very often.
  2. As a couple, you avoid bringing up difficult things so as not to upset the other.
  3. You haven’t figured out how to argue productively.
  4. Your conversations are mostly focused on facts, events, or logistics.
  5. Your spouse/partner/other half is not the first person you want to tell when something great happens or a problem comes up.
  6. If you seek comfort from your spouse/partner/other half they often say the wrong thing.
  7. You don’t feel like you’re a team taking on life together.
  8. You often feel alone when you’re with your spouse/partner/other half.
  9. It can be difficult to find something to talk about together.
  10. Positive emotions like love, warmth, or emotional bonding feel awkward or only happen during sex.

 

Week of 01/03:
Priorities and Choices….

 

It is funny how people do not realize that the subconscious is your priorities, what is important to you and your life.  It is reflected in your choices…..

When your choices are not what you thought they should be, as it seems things are slipping away from you that you want, perhaps you should relook at your priorities….

The trick is to become aware of what is working and what’s not working in your life, then harness techniques to access your subconscious mind and conquer self-limiting beliefs.

Your priorities will place what you believe into actions/choices.   Others see your actions.  Your words should support those actions and when they do not, that is when others pull away from you.  Your words should be gold.  Your actions should reflect the words you spoke.

Like moving from debt to abundance, going from not healing to healing, shifting from being overlooked to being valued and so on.

When you are losing something you thought you so much wanted in your life, step back and see if your actions supported your words or were opposite.  Like situationships vs. relationships.  There is a HUGE difference between the two.  You may say I don’t treat someone this way or that, but if they are pulling away from you, your words are not matching your actions and they see that, then do not believe you and pull away.

Situationships is a place in time, much like an FB and certainly DO NOT last.   Only having something or someone around you when “it is convenient”, not in your personal life much, not even being treated as good as a friend, less than a friend in fact and certainly less than a mature valued relationship.  You hide truths, you scale around the truth, you limit interactions, you hide what or who is in your life, you say one thing but your choice reflects your priority and it shows.  When people pull away from you, step back and see what are you saying vs what are you doing.  If you said “I’m going to fix that, I’m going to change that situation, then do not, your words are not supporting your actions.  People see that and pull away as they cannot trust you anymore.  Trust is hard to gain back.

Relationships are life itself.  You want it in your life, you value it, cherish it, respect it, are grateful for it.  You want this to be around you always, you want to build on it.  You are honest and do not hide from it.  You include love and recognize what is in your life as valuable, not dismissed.  Your personal life is open to this and you do not hide things.  Your actions reflect this as a priority.  You are proud to be in this relationship, in fact you want others to know about it.  Your word is gold, your choices reflect your priority, people can believe you as your actions support your words.  It definitely is not a situationship.

Daily affirmations can help you set your Priorities in place. By choosing your words thoughtfully and forming them into phrases that accurately reflect beliefs that will better serve you and help you reach your goals, you can actively create the life you want.

What words are you using that are not matching your actions?

Brian Brawdy :  It’s more about UNLEASHING than updating when it comes to true Human Potential. Simply because everything you’ve ever needed you’ve always had! That’s why we say #MortalUP! It’s where #Happiness lives in you!

Love being taken for Granted and Maturity:

In life, it is what a friend of mine says; Love is simple and pure, but relationships are another story.

Love is not overcomplicated, full of drama and turmoil. True love is experienced by MATURE people, who chase love in itself, while drama is reserved for immature individuals, who are only interested in a good story.

Yet, a successful relationship cannot be based on love only. It requires respect, trust, loyalty, understanding, care, mutual interests, and similar goals in life. A mature relationship has a bright future, which is not the case with an immature one.

Here are 9 differences between mature and immature relationships:

  1. No one can come between partners in a mature relationship, while immature relationships are endangered by various outside factors
  2. In Mature Relationships, the 2 are available emotionally and ready to pursue the path
  3. Mature relationships are strong and passionate, so they do not peter out
  4. Mature relationships do not require validation, as they are founded on comfort and trust, while immature ones are consumed by insecurity and doubts
  5. Mature couples are not preoccupated with timelines and do not allow cultural norms to affect their decisions about important things. People in love allow things to happen at their own pace and trust their instincts.
  6. In a mature relationship, partners solve their problems face to face, instead of spending their days bickering over a screen
  7. Mature relationships do not make you feel empty, while an immature one will always make you feel like you are missing something
  8. Partners in a mature relationship are already developed, and they respect individuality, while immature ones aim to achieve completeness in the relationship
  9. Immature relationships dwell on the past. Mature partners are not worried about each other’s past, they are focused on the present moment and the future they will spend together. Mature couples do not feel threatened by anybody.

A healthy and strong relationship is based on mature love.  Mature love exists without question of motive or condition, it trusts, accepts, respects, and forgives.

On the other hand, immature couples are jealous, afraid, intolerant to mistakes, demanding and needy, and insincere.

When They Take Your Love For Granted

When Love is given freely, it is a valuable rare commodity, and one that should be cherished and valued, not letting it leave or thrown away like it has no meaning.

When you are giving your all to someone but receiving nothing in return, choosing to stay is the worst thing you could do.

Because staying with someone who no longer brings value to your life means giving up on yourself.

And giving up on such a kindhearted, loving, compassionate human being is a crime no one should ever commit.

But even in the presence of such a pure soul like one to give love, some people fail to see the natural beauty they carry. They take the kindness for granted and disregard this generosity as if it meant nothing to them. They grab the loving heart with their filthy hands and play with it until they get bored and move on to the next innocent soul.

Still, you may be too kind to chase them out of your life. You may be too gentle to cut them off with ease. But sometimes, prioritizing your own needs is much more important than worrying about someone else’s comfort. It is not selfish, or rude. It is necessary because you would be too good to let someone mess around with your feelings and get away with it.

You see the beauty in everything and strives to make this world a better place. The warmth you carry in your heart is enough to melt the iciest souls out there. The softness in your voice can calm the fiercest minds. And the light within you can put a smile on the faces of everyone around you, even when you don’t see it.

You carry a power you may not even know about. This power is what makes you so exceptional and rare. It makes you the extraordinary human being that you are. The vivid energy you bear makes you stand out of the crowd wherever you go. This power is called love.

You are someone who knows that love is the answer in all aspects of life. Where there is love, there is peace, harmony, and growth. And because you believe in love so much, you find it extremely hard to come to terms with the fact that there are people who don’t see its value.

This is why your fragile heart has been broken so many times before.

You hope that everyone else sees the world the way you do. You wish for the ones around you to be as kind, as benevolent, and as empathetic as you are. So you put your faith in them. You give them multiple second chances, trusting that in the end, they would change. But they never do, do they?

And because they would never change, it is time, you deserve better. You are worthy of love. Not the shallow love they have been giving you, but a love as powerful as the one you hold in your heart. You deserve to be cared for, respected, appreciated. Your worth deserves to be recognized.

Be strong enough to leave behind those who take your love for granted.

Once you draw the line, you will finally be able to see things clearly. You will realize that no one else gets to decide your fate but you. You will start investing all of the energy, kindness, and empathy you treat others with into nurturing your own delicate soul.

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